Qibbles
by Phantom Trekkie
Summary: It's happened on many occasions- these unwanted, cute little guests have made their way to Voyager! How will the crew get rid of them? Why, with the help of old friends, of course!


**Disclaimer- Man, these things always depress me. Yeah, so you know the deal- I don't own Star Trek, or Tuvok, or anything basically. Yeah, so there.**

**A one shot deal I wrote in my spare time. R and R please!**

It had been a long day in the mess hall- it appeared as though every single Starfleet crew member wanted a specially cooked meal for lunch and dinner. Neelix thought the chaos would be over after dinner, but he wasn't correct. After dinner, the Captain came in for some coffee, Harry Kim wanted some sort of rice wrapped up in seaweed, and Tom Paris wanted a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with the crust cut off.

Neelix was just cleaning up after making some home-made peanut butter (Ensign Paris would not have replicated peanut butter). He reached for a big pot that he had used earlier that morning to make Leeola Root Stew, the crew's favorite. The pot was unusually heavy- Neelix thought he had used the leftovers for some type of soup that Lieutenant Torres had wanted for lunch. Maybe he was mistaken.

"Holy Talaxian forests!" Neelix shouted as he realized there was something living in his pot.

"Neelix to Tuvok, there's a security alert in the mess hall!" Neelix called.

"Neelix, stay calm. I am on the way." Tuvok replied with his unemotional voice.

Waiting as patiently as he could for Tuvok, Neelix tried to pass the time by cleaning the floor- on the other side of the hall from the pot. Finally, Tuvok arrived.

"Mr. Neelix, where is the security threat?" Tuvok questioned.

Neelix explained about his encounter with the thing in the pot. He had never seen anything like that before.

"It's very hairy, and it almost looked cute, if it wasn't in my favorite pot."

All Neelix heard before Tuvok rushed to his kitchen was a few mumbles about rapid reproduction. He then heard Tuvok signal the Captain.

"Tuvok to Captain Janeway, we have a problem."

"What is it, Tuvok?" the Captain responded.

"Captain, I must inform you that we have some unexpected visitors." Tuvok said calmly.

"Tuvok, I'm begging you, please tell me what is wrong." Captain Janeway sounded irritated. Tuvok did not see why she should be emotional- he hadn't even told her the bad news yet.

"Captain, Neelix discovered a Tribble in his favorite pot." Tuvok explained. "I don't see any more Tribbles, but I thought I should warn you."

"Thank you, Tuvok. Tell Neelix about Tribbles, so he will not become alarmed if he sees another one."

"Aye, Captain. Tuvok out."

Tuvok turned to Neelix, who was looking curiously at the Tribble in his pot.

"Mr. Vulcan, I don't see what is so scary about this little fur ball. It's actually kind of cute. Maybe I should keep it and give it to Naomi for her birthday?" Neelix stated as he peered over the pot.

"Most certainly not, Neelix. Tribble may seem cute and furry, but I assure you they are not at all what they seem to be. They have rapid reproduction ability. Within hours we could have thousands and thousands of them on Voyager, with virtually no way to get them off."

"Oh dear, oh dear. They can't be in my mess hall. I can't serve Tribble soup."

"I agree, Mr. Neelix. But what you don't understand is that we have to get rid of this Tribble before we drown in them."

Neelix had a blank expression on his face.

"I hope you are being sarcastic, Mr. Vulcan."

"I kid you not. I've seen Tribbles before. I was actually on a station when there was a massive Tribble invasion. Thankfully, a famous Vulcan called Spock was able to help his Captain out."

Neelix nodded, obviously understanding the urgency of the situation. Tuvok left for the Bridge, and suggested to the Captain that she make a ship-wide announcement to the crew. Janeway thought the idea to be a good one, and did so.

"To all passengers and crewmen onboard Voyager, this is the Captain speaking. We have discovered a Tribble in the mess hall. I repeat, we have discovered a Tribble onboard the ship. Please inform Security if you find anymore. Thank you. Janeway out."

Immediately, B'Elanna Torres made her way to the Captain's ready room.

"Captain, you know how Klingons are about Tribbles." She stated.

Janeway sat on her couch with a cup of coffee in hand.

"Yes, I do. But you are only half Klingon, thus I only expect you to be half afraid."

Torres was starting to become agitated.

"I am not _afraid_, Captain. I just hate them, that is all."

Janeway smiled at her Chief Engineer. She sure had a sense of humor.

"Whatever you say, Chief."

Sure enough, within hours Voyager was overtaken by Tribbles. They were everywhere. Naomi wanted to take one back to her quarters. Seven wanted to study the creature, and see if it was possible to assimilate it. Chakotay wanted to see if his Spirit Guide could help them, and Harry played his clarinet to them for hours on end, hoping it would distract them from reproducing.

No matter what Voyager did, the Tribbles remained, and reproduces rapidly. It was driving B'Elanna mad, and she was starting to lash out at Tom, Tuvok, and Vorik. Something had to be done about these Tribbles.

Janeway was in her ready room, going over Seven's plan to beam them onto a Borg ship, when she heard a strange flashing noise. She was suspicious, and didn't even want to look up. Sure enough, Q was sitting in her chair, at her desk, with his usual Starfleet Captain's uniform on.

"Hello, Kathy. Did you miss me?"

Janeway smiled. She had an idea.

"Q! I missed you so much! I've decided to change my mind." She said.

Q eyed her with a suspicious look. Janeway got up, went over to his shoulders, and started rubbing them.

"My, my Kathy! What changed your mind about me? Was it my omnipotence? My charm?"

Q suddenly had a look of shock on his face.

"Kathy! I had no idea you felt that way about me!" He got up and started to circle around the Captain, obviously trying to make her…aroused.

"Q, I need a favor of you."

Q immediately stopped his purring and sat up straight. He had been fooled.

"What is it you want, Kathy?" he asked.

"We are having a Tribble infestation. Can you get rid of them? Please?" Kathryn begged with all her heart. She was really relying on Q's small about of maturity to kick in right about now.

"Kathy, Kathy, Kathy. It's so ironic, isn't it? You don't want me around, refuse to mate with me, and even kick me off of the ship, but when my presence is profitable to you petty humans, it appears as though you all love me. Tell me, why should I help you?"

Captain Janeway knew that Q had a point. Maybe she should have treated Q a little better before. As Tuvok would have put it, "It would have been the most logical thing to do." Oh well, the crew could surely take care of the Tribble situation by themselves.

"So tell me, Q, what you came on the ship for." Kathryn asked with a sad tone in her voice.

Q swirled around in her chair, obviously trying to annoy her. He fiddled his thumbs, hummed an unfamiliar tune, and finally opened his mouth to say something.

"I just thought I would drop by, see how my favorite humans were doing." He responded.

"Oh, how touching. You must be so compassionate." Janeway responded, nearly monotonously.

"Yes, I am. You and your crew are much more welcoming than Picard and Sisko were." Q stated with a smile. He continued. "I thought that, since you and I have had years to bond together, I would pay you a visit, just to see if anything had changed."

Janeway couldn't believe this. Q was practically married. And here he was, talking this way. It was annoying, aggravating, irritating, and even a little touching. She tried to smile, and laughed a little.

"Well Q, I hate to tell you this, but it sounds to me that you are becoming more and more human."

Q looked at his 'Kathy' with a look of disgust.

"Why, Kathy? What did I do to be insulted in this manner? Me? Almost human? How insulting. Really. And to think I was going to take care of your problems." Q let out a large 'humph', and went to her couch to sit and pout. Maybe she was wrong- Q had no maturity.

"Q, it was meant to be a compliment. You've gotten better. Really, you have! I'm just trying to say…you're technically married. You have a child. You can't be coming on my ship, trying to do…do…._this_…" she said as she twirled her hand in the air, pointing at Q's position on her couch.

Q sighed. His Kathy always felt like she had to add something to whatever he said.

"Alright, Kathy. You win. I'll go back 'home'. Thank you for your time. As Mr. Pointy Ears would say it: 'Live long and prosper.' "

Kathryn had to laugh at this. Q was obviously referring to her old friend- and greatest Security chief- Tuvok.

With a snap of his fingers, Q disappeared with a flash. Kathryn made her way back to the bridge.

"Captain, long range scanners are picking u-…" Tuvok started. At that very moment, Q came onto the view screen.

"Kathy, I almost forgot. Little Q says 'hi'!" With that, he disappeared again. The Bridge crew stood there, somewhat astonished that Q had actually said something that wasn't sarcastic.

"Captain! The Tribbles are gone!" Ensign Harry Kim basically shouted over the Bridge. Chakotay just looked at the Ensign, trying to keep a straight face. It didn't work. The whole Bridge crew started crying out in laughter, rolling over their stations. Harry's face flushed a deep red, and he looked at his clean, polished Starfleet shoes.

"Well…I was just…I thought that…you would like to know….ughhh…Captain, I think my shift just ended. Tom and I had an appointment in the Holodeck." Harry stumbled.

Tom Paris walked over to Harry's station, wrapped his arm around his shoulder, and patted his back.

"Harry, Harry, Harry. You're going to have to learn that one day, there's going to be a time when you can't shout things over the Bridge like that. I think it's against protocol to cause your Captain to roll on the floor, whether it's in pain or laughing."

With that, Tom and Harry walked off the Bridge. The crew remaining kept on laughing.


End file.
